High Heels in the City |
“Hi Mija*, how are you? You haven’t called!”
“Hi Dad, I’m sorry, I’ve been so busy, but I’m good, I’m coming over right now.” That’s the conversation I replay over and over in my head. It was a frequent call, same exact verbatim, except I didn't know that was the last time I'd hear those exact words. I can still see my Dad clear as day, lounging in his brown leather recliner, his huge smile lit up his warm colored skin as I walked through the door. I was Daddy’s little girl, he showered my sisters and brothers and I with all the love he had. I remember the day I was told My Dad had cancer, I didn’t believe it, I wouldn’t accept, I thought if I didn’t acknowledge it, maybe it would go away. Sadly, life does not work like that. Thankfully, I am in a different headspace today than I was at that time. I was there for my dad as much as I could be, I saw him as much as I could, and my mother and sister would take him to his treatments as he went through chemo and radiation. My dad was a strong willed person, he had so much life to give and so much to live for but the radiation took a toll on him. It was late fall and one day he decided he was done with treatments, he told us if it was his time then so be it. About Christmastime he seemed to have an amazing burst of energy, he ate well, he went back to fixing things around the house, he looked and felt great, we were beyond hopeful, my dad was frail but his spirits were high, surely we thought he is bouncing back to his old self, it was by far the best Christmas ever. In early-January he took a turn for the worse, he caught a cold and was right back in the hospital, additional tests revealed the cancer had spread and they predicted his life span to be about two weeks. I watched my dad go from this amazing, happy, vibrant man to a frail bedridden man. Our entire family spent as much time as we could in the hospital, day and night, just nurturing and doing what we could for him. His breathing shallowed with each day, the doctors told us we should prepare for the worst and offered hospice. My dad could no longer speak and he spent most days medicated and sleeping. The day was January 28, 2003, we brought him home that evening, it was the darkest day of my life. Driving behind the ambulance knowing what was happening was the worst feeling ever. The ambulance arrived and the EMT's settled him in his bed, My dad took his last shallow breathe that evening, a tear rolled down his cheek and as he gripped my mother's hand, he went peacefully. I will never forget the sobbing as our entire family wept by his side. Some of you might be wondering why he stopped his treatments, I asked myself the same question: there were plenty of warning signs and opportunities for my dad to have been evaluated prior to the diagnosis. He was an old school man, he very rarely visited the doctors, and I wish he would have. I came to find out find years later that his tumor was the size of a grape fruit. My father had esophageal cancer. Can you imagine a grapefruit in your throat? The pain and discomfort as you tried to eat, he fought for 6 long months and in hindsight I am so proud of him for fighting, I can't imagine the pain he experienced every time he tried to eat, yet he fought. It has been 16 years since my father passed and I can still see his face clear as day. My message to everyone is to be 100% aware of your body. Pay attention to what does and does not feel right, do not put things off, as frightening as that may seem, give yourself a fighting chance, because you deserve it. Yvonne VanRenesse *Mija* Daughter in Spanish (term of endearment)
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I often get asked how I balance it all and keep smiling all day, everyday.
Honestly, it's a decision and I choose to be HAPPY. Work-Life balance... What is that? It's simple, it's what you make of it ! There is no magic formula, for me it's prioritizing what's important. Family first, always. I make the time to be there and make those precious memories. Next, comes work and for me it's not just a job, it's a passion. It revolves around taking the time to learn my craft and being the best I can be at it, It's loving and inspiring others to be the best version of themselves they could be, unapologetically. |